Well, I have thought of all these posts in my head... but they have never made it to "paper". ;)
Since the end of June, we've experienced some of the roughest moments of our lives, but also some very rewarding & inspiring moments. God has been good to us.
I mentioned impending fertility treatments in the last post. We were thrilled to find out we were expecting our second child only to be crushed two weeks later when we found our little baby had stopped developing. We are still mourning this amazing miracle, but hold tight to the other awesome blessings God has given us.
The miscarriage has brought a myriad of emotions to the surface.
I felt embarrassed to have prayed for these little babies God gave us. The night before, I begged for God to have given us both of the little embryos He provided to us. I asked that He might somehow allow us to meet both of those children.
I feel so hopeless & angry even as to why it has to be so stinkin' hard. I am aware some women can skip over a miscarriage & some are saddened, but I still feel crushed. To go through so much to GET pregnant, then lose that baby? I just feel like I'm not going to "get over it" anytime soon. I am hesitant to endure another cycle of treatments to go through this again.
I am almost ready to accept we will be blessed with only child. I feel so much of my life has been consumed with whether or not we'll get pregnant. It's so hard & frustrating & I'm ready to end the our journery through infertility. I guess if we do one more cycle (mostly covered by insurance), I feel I will have closure either way.
I feel like so many areas of my life have been neglected. I plan to take at least the next three months to change that. Staying busy helps keep my thoughts from getting bad. Since losing the baby, I have completely cleared out the room that will be known as the Health & Vitality Room (AKA workout room) but looked more like the Junk Room. The floor was completely covered in unpacked boxes, books, crafting products, everything!! It is now cleared out... only a table we are selling & some items that need to be returned to their rightful owners! I have gone in that room several times in the last week when I need to decompress a bit. That room was so overwhelming; I felt like even though I'd spend hours in there, I wasn't make a dent! But, it's done!
In addition to the house, I feel many parts of my life are disorganized. I love to coupon & they end up all over the place hiding from me. And I have extra, unnecessary, items in the kitchen/pantry/laundry closet/bedroom/HOUSE! ;) So, I've begun clearing out the junk. Parting with many items to clear out the space to "breathe" in my home. Just getting sick of the "One day I will..." mentality & just doing it. Grocery & meal planning instead of ending up at the restuarant every other night!
My weight has slowing crept up prior to pregnancy & just hasn't gone completely down to baseline since! So, we have begun a DVD workout series (Insanity, yikes!) & I'm committed to losing the weight. My goal by the end of the year is 20lbs. Hopefully more!
Well, there's a decent intro on the future posts I'll be sharing soon. Clearing the Clutter, Scheduling My Chores, Getting Healthy, & Budgeting! ;) Maybe a picture or two will make it onto the blog posts, too!
Have a wonderful week everyone!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Quick Catch-Up!
Since the last blog post, I have become a full time stay at home Momma... only. No more night shifts at the hospital. I miss my coworkers and I miss our extra income and I miss my job as a Labor & Delivery nurse... but I missed so much more of Elias... I feel like a new person since making the decision to only be a Momma.
Since then, we have been doing lots of fun stuff. For two of the three weeks I have stopped working at the hospital, our nieces stayed with us. I didn't get much done at all in the way of cleaning, organizing, or unpacking. But we have had lots of water playtime & E and I have had lots of snuggle time.
I have a wiggle worm in my lap right now, so I will just resort to bullet points...
** At nearly 22 months old, the little one is weaned. We weren't able to self-wean as I'd hoped due to impending fertility treatments. But, we have been able to snuggle a lot to make up for it & he is loving his almond milk.
** I had a "minor" surgery to remove a uterine polyp prior to moving on with IVF. That was not fun.
** I have made small accomplishments in the playroom. Hope to do more in the next weekends.
** Our first home had become a rental property when we purchased our current home. The tenants broke their 12mth lease & we are sort of scrambling to find new tenants. We have lots of yard work to do there to prepare for new tenants, but praying we can get someone in by July 1. Yes, we know it's only 4 days away...
** Our IVF #2 start date is July 19th. Two days after our anniversary. By my calculations, we should know by mid August if we are pregnant or not.
** E has become enamored with trucks and matchbox cars. He lines them all up. Real life tractors, golfcarts, tires, anything to do with outside stuff. He loves to wear his Daddy's work gloves. He loves to give kisses & goofy smiles.
** E still signs for us. Mostly: please, drink, water, bath, sleep. He SAYS: Momma, please, dog, Sydney, Dadda, bath, one-two-three, cookie, fish, turtle, & more that I can't think of...
** He loves cheddar cheese, almond milk, goldfish, peanuts, strawberries, bananas, oranges, tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce/salad, hummus, ranch dressing, PB&Js, cookies, spaghetti, Mexican beans & rice. And the junk food his Momma might have... ;)
** We are back to cloth diapers & lots of diaper free time. We have little potty-s on both levels of the house & he frequently sits on them. We are still working on USING the potty! No pressure, just introduction.
Well, I think it is nap time for my little buddy, so we will head upstairs. I have plenty of towels to fold & another load of laundry to start! Hope you all have a wonderful Monday!
Since then, we have been doing lots of fun stuff. For two of the three weeks I have stopped working at the hospital, our nieces stayed with us. I didn't get much done at all in the way of cleaning, organizing, or unpacking. But we have had lots of water playtime & E and I have had lots of snuggle time.
I have a wiggle worm in my lap right now, so I will just resort to bullet points...
** At nearly 22 months old, the little one is weaned. We weren't able to self-wean as I'd hoped due to impending fertility treatments. But, we have been able to snuggle a lot to make up for it & he is loving his almond milk.
** I had a "minor" surgery to remove a uterine polyp prior to moving on with IVF. That was not fun.
** I have made small accomplishments in the playroom. Hope to do more in the next weekends.
** Our first home had become a rental property when we purchased our current home. The tenants broke their 12mth lease & we are sort of scrambling to find new tenants. We have lots of yard work to do there to prepare for new tenants, but praying we can get someone in by July 1. Yes, we know it's only 4 days away...
** Our IVF #2 start date is July 19th. Two days after our anniversary. By my calculations, we should know by mid August if we are pregnant or not.
** E has become enamored with trucks and matchbox cars. He lines them all up. Real life tractors, golfcarts, tires, anything to do with outside stuff. He loves to wear his Daddy's work gloves. He loves to give kisses & goofy smiles.
** E still signs for us. Mostly: please, drink, water, bath, sleep. He SAYS: Momma, please, dog, Sydney, Dadda, bath, one-two-three, cookie, fish, turtle, & more that I can't think of...
** He loves cheddar cheese, almond milk, goldfish, peanuts, strawberries, bananas, oranges, tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce/salad, hummus, ranch dressing, PB&Js, cookies, spaghetti, Mexican beans & rice. And the junk food his Momma might have... ;)
** We are back to cloth diapers & lots of diaper free time. We have little potty-s on both levels of the house & he frequently sits on them. We are still working on USING the potty! No pressure, just introduction.
Well, I think it is nap time for my little buddy, so we will head upstairs. I have plenty of towels to fold & another load of laundry to start! Hope you all have a wonderful Monday!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I Have Dreams
Of finally feeling "caught up".
Of seeing another "+" sign on a pregnancy test.
Of enjoying my sweet son for the rest of my life.
Of becoming who God wants me to be.
Of loving the amazing husband I have been blessed.
Of encouraging & supporting my friends.
Of providing hope to anyone I can.
Of feeling like my house is in order.
Of having my house set up how I want it.
Of making a home-cooked meal every night.
Whew. I feel that at this exact moment I am just barely staying afloat. I have several things in the works to alleviate this pressure as much as I possibly can. In less than two weeks, it will be better.
It will be better.
I will begin working on all those dreams & hope to continue sharing them through blog-land because I love looking back at old posts. Through nursing school & pregnancy... I never would have those memories set without my blogs!
Hope you all have a wonderful Monday. I will be resting in preparation for working Monday night!! And doing some housework. Start working on those dreams early!! :)
Of seeing another "+" sign on a pregnancy test.
Of enjoying my sweet son for the rest of my life.
Of becoming who God wants me to be.
Of loving the amazing husband I have been blessed.
Of encouraging & supporting my friends.
Of providing hope to anyone I can.
Of feeling like my house is in order.
Of having my house set up how I want it.
Of making a home-cooked meal every night.
Whew. I feel that at this exact moment I am just barely staying afloat. I have several things in the works to alleviate this pressure as much as I possibly can. In less than two weeks, it will be better.
It will be better.
I will begin working on all those dreams & hope to continue sharing them through blog-land because I love looking back at old posts. Through nursing school & pregnancy... I never would have those memories set without my blogs!
Hope you all have a wonderful Monday. I will be resting in preparation for working Monday night!! And doing some housework. Start working on those dreams early!! :)
Friday, January 14, 2011
14/365: Hmm...
Did I say I'd post every day? Maybe I meant like a post for each day that may be posted AFTER the fact...
;)
Working nights has kind of hindered the posting thing, but it is still on my mind!!
Working night shifts hasn't been as hard as I was worried about. Squishy has been awesome with allowing me to nap at least 5 hours (between several catnaps & one afternoon nap); even 7hrs yesterday! He has handled sleeping with Momma very well, too. No fussing or anything... just lays down & goes right to sleep! Such a contrast to how it is when I am home!! He fusses & cries & screams until I lay down with him & snuggle & nurse!
Today, we stayed in town & napped @ my brother & sister-in-law's house so that we could hang out with my Mom this afternoon. I slept through my alarm & the lunch date we had planned, but met later @ the mall. Got some awesome clearance deals @ Sears (my Mom, that is) & Old Navy (finally got my skinny jeans & some cute stuff for Squishy, too). A great dinner @ the Mexican restaurant & then we came home!
Have some chores planned for tomorrow through the afternoon & then we are heading into town to hang out with some friends from church. Looking forward to it!!
Wish I had a picture to share tonight, but glad to have some stuff to update about.
PS: In case you are wondering... I am nearing the end of my 13wk orientation period. I have learned a lot but still have SO MUCH to learn. My preceptors have been awesome & very encouraging. I know that once I am on my own, I will have support from the other nurses to help me through. There are nights I wonder if I should have returned to work & there are nights that I am proud to be a working nurse AND stay at home Momma. I will have to figure out the correct schedule of shifts, but once that happens I think it will be easier. So far, I have worked 3days/nights in a row most weeks, but will be trying to work 2nights in a row, then a weekend night. We will see how it works out! :)
OH, here's a picture... this little tube sure helps me get through the night w/out soda or coffee...
It really helps!
Tomorrow, I will post more about the signs Squishy has been using! He has made up a couple of his own & learned many from us! So nice to have a bit of insight as to what he wants!! :)
;)
Working nights has kind of hindered the posting thing, but it is still on my mind!!
Working night shifts hasn't been as hard as I was worried about. Squishy has been awesome with allowing me to nap at least 5 hours (between several catnaps & one afternoon nap); even 7hrs yesterday! He has handled sleeping with Momma very well, too. No fussing or anything... just lays down & goes right to sleep! Such a contrast to how it is when I am home!! He fusses & cries & screams until I lay down with him & snuggle & nurse!
Today, we stayed in town & napped @ my brother & sister-in-law's house so that we could hang out with my Mom this afternoon. I slept through my alarm & the lunch date we had planned, but met later @ the mall. Got some awesome clearance deals @ Sears (my Mom, that is) & Old Navy (finally got my skinny jeans & some cute stuff for Squishy, too). A great dinner @ the Mexican restaurant & then we came home!
Have some chores planned for tomorrow through the afternoon & then we are heading into town to hang out with some friends from church. Looking forward to it!!
Wish I had a picture to share tonight, but glad to have some stuff to update about.
PS: In case you are wondering... I am nearing the end of my 13wk orientation period. I have learned a lot but still have SO MUCH to learn. My preceptors have been awesome & very encouraging. I know that once I am on my own, I will have support from the other nurses to help me through. There are nights I wonder if I should have returned to work & there are nights that I am proud to be a working nurse AND stay at home Momma. I will have to figure out the correct schedule of shifts, but once that happens I think it will be easier. So far, I have worked 3days/nights in a row most weeks, but will be trying to work 2nights in a row, then a weekend night. We will see how it works out! :)
OH, here's a picture... this little tube sure helps me get through the night w/out soda or coffee...
It really helps!
Tomorrow, I will post more about the signs Squishy has been using! He has made up a couple of his own & learned many from us! So nice to have a bit of insight as to what he wants!! :)
Thursday, January 6, 2011
6/365: Missing Me Some Soda...
I haven't had Cherry Coke for over a week... no soda of any kind since last Saturday. Yes, I'm addicted. I have been good with water & my vitamin/energy drink, but I'm seriously craving one of these...
Not too much more to say about today. Squishy allowed me to sleep well this morning, we played a lot, & then he told his Daddy all about it when he got home from work. We met my parent for a quick dinner of yummy black bean soup & biscuits, then came home! I am working a bit on budgeting for this month & then going to bed. Both boys are already asleep.
Finished out my first week of nights. Not too bad, but definitely will take some getting used to. There is a self-scheduling set up for the floor... it's not guaranteed that you will get the schedule you request, but I set mine for 2 nights in a row, then 1 night on the weekends. I figured this will allow me more time to see the boys during the week nights & not have such exhaustion with staying at home with the baby during the days. On the weekend, I can prepare with a short nap & recoup with a short nap after church on Sunday mornings! Since it's scheduling 6+ weeks in advance, I won't know how this schedule will work for me until then, but I will learn what works for us in time. I am also still pretty overwhelmed with all the details that entail the job, but have great teachers so I'm trusting it will slowly come more naturally to me.
That said, finishing up my budget... then to sleep! Have a wonderful Friday! I look forward to spending some time with a great friend that I haven't hung out with since October! I miss her! :) We will partake of queso, chips, & Cherry coke!
Not too much more to say about today. Squishy allowed me to sleep well this morning, we played a lot, & then he told his Daddy all about it when he got home from work. We met my parent for a quick dinner of yummy black bean soup & biscuits, then came home! I am working a bit on budgeting for this month & then going to bed. Both boys are already asleep.
Finished out my first week of nights. Not too bad, but definitely will take some getting used to. There is a self-scheduling set up for the floor... it's not guaranteed that you will get the schedule you request, but I set mine for 2 nights in a row, then 1 night on the weekends. I figured this will allow me more time to see the boys during the week nights & not have such exhaustion with staying at home with the baby during the days. On the weekend, I can prepare with a short nap & recoup with a short nap after church on Sunday mornings! Since it's scheduling 6+ weeks in advance, I won't know how this schedule will work for me until then, but I will learn what works for us in time. I am also still pretty overwhelmed with all the details that entail the job, but have great teachers so I'm trusting it will slowly come more naturally to me.
That said, finishing up my budget... then to sleep! Have a wonderful Friday! I look forward to spending some time with a great friend that I haven't hung out with since October! I miss her! :) We will partake of queso, chips, & Cherry coke!
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