Been A While, Ehhh?

Well, I have thought of all these posts in my head... but they have never made it to "paper". ;)

Since the end of June, we've experienced some of the roughest moments of our lives, but also some very rewarding & inspiring moments. God has been good to us.

I mentioned impending fertility treatments in the last post. We were thrilled to find out we were expecting our second child only to be crushed two weeks later when we found our little baby had stopped developing. We are still mourning this amazing miracle, but hold tight to the other awesome blessings God has given us.

The miscarriage has brought a myriad of emotions to the surface.

I felt embarrassed to have prayed for these little babies God gave us. The night before, I begged for God to have given us both of the little embryos He provided to us. I asked that He might somehow allow us to meet both of those children.

I feel so hopeless & angry even as to why it has to be so stinkin' hard. I am aware some women can skip over a miscarriage & some are saddened, but I still feel crushed. To go through so much to GET pregnant, then lose that baby? I just feel like I'm not going to "get over it" anytime soon. I am hesitant to endure another cycle of treatments to go through this again.

I am almost ready to accept we will be blessed with only child. I feel so much of my life has been consumed with whether or not we'll get pregnant. It's so hard & frustrating & I'm ready to end the our journery through infertility. I guess if we do one more cycle (mostly covered by insurance), I feel I will have closure either way.

I feel like so many areas of my life have been neglected. I plan to take at least the next three months to change that. Staying busy helps keep my thoughts from getting bad. Since losing the baby, I have completely cleared out the room that will be known as the Health & Vitality Room (AKA workout room) but looked more like the Junk Room. The floor was completely covered in unpacked boxes, books, crafting products, everything!! It is now cleared out... only a table we are selling & some items that need to be returned to their rightful owners! I have gone in that room several times in the last week when I need to decompress a bit. That room was so overwhelming; I felt like even though I'd spend hours in there, I wasn't make a dent! But, it's done!

In addition to the house, I feel many parts of my life are disorganized. I love to coupon & they end up all over the place hiding from me. And I have extra, unnecessary, items in the kitchen/pantry/laundry closet/bedroom/HOUSE! ;) So, I've begun clearing out the junk. Parting with many items to clear out the space to "breathe" in my home. Just getting sick of the "One day I will..." mentality & just doing it. Grocery & meal planning instead of ending up at the restuarant every other night!

My weight has slowing crept up prior to pregnancy & just hasn't gone completely down to baseline since! So, we have begun a DVD workout series (Insanity, yikes!) & I'm committed to losing the weight. My goal by the end of the year is 20lbs. Hopefully more!

Well, there's a decent intro on the future posts I'll be sharing soon. Clearing the Clutter, Scheduling My Chores, Getting Healthy, & Budgeting! ;) Maybe a picture or two will make it onto the blog posts, too!

Have a wonderful week everyone!